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How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem?

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by Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ CoachT

"Having decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense." ~ Thomas Bennett

You can't talk yourself into self-esteem, and neither can your coach, your best friend, your boss or your partner. It has to be earned. We can only guide you to claiming your own.

Here are some ways you can earn your own self-regard. Then you will be well-regarded by others, and this is turn gives you more self-esteem.

BE MINDFUL

Most of us had chores to do as kids, but one thing parents often fail to do is deliver the message in words. We were given chores because they needed doing, but also to give us a sense of accomplishment. If you weren't praised for the actual work you did, then you missed the greater message. If your Mom didn't say, "Look at the wonderful way you did those dishes. I bet you're proud of yourself," well, now's the time for you to do it for yourself.

DON'T BE THE UNSUNG HERO

Choose a tiresome task, do it well, and then relish the accomplishment.

PRAISE SOMETHING YOU DO, NOT SOMETHING YOU ARE.

This is a mistake many parents make. We build self-esteem by doing something, and being praised for it. Telling your child, "You're just such a neat kid," isn't the same as saying, "I'm proud of the way you get dressed in the morning and get your school books ready. You are very responsible." Go back and do this for yourself!

MAKE IT A TIRESOME TASK

Why? Because pulling off an Anniversary Banquet for 200, or winning a court case, or getting the big contract bring you lots of external praise. What we're after here, what will motivate you during hard times, is being able to praise yourself for the small everyday "tiresome" tasks, such as ironing your child's school uniform, loading the dishwasher for the 100th time, and making your bed every morning.

PRAISE YOURSELF AND BUILD YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE

Work on your self-talk. Praise yourself and give yourself motivation. Be responsible to YOU. Start by monitoring yourself for a full day. Every time something rattles around in your head, notice it. For instance, if, when you make the bed, you think, "Why doesn't Sam ever do this?" or "Thankless chore," you're missing an opportunity to build your self-esteem. A simple, "I make this bed so nicely every morning. Good for me!" works a lot better.

IT'S IN THE DETAILS

The big things don't come around often enough . our 15 minutes of fame. Nor do they last that long. What we have is a series of little things that we need to appreciate. How you feel about the things you do will reflect all around you.

Value the small things you do all day long. When you think about it, taking out the garbage on Mondays and Thursdays is far "harder" because it's a "thankless" task. No one notices, no one cares. Winning the trial gets you lots of attention. Taking out the garbage is only noticed in its absence. However, it's these tasks that build character, IF you're conscious about them.

Building your self-esteem is up to you! Why not get started today?

©Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ CoachT, http://www.susandunn.cc . The customized coaching, resources, tools and support you need for your personal and professional development. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence," available in the EQ eBook Library - http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html . Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZine. Let us help you get unstuck! Call 210-496-0678 to schedule your first session.

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